Make Sex Get Better and Better with Age!

Capitalize on these 11 changes to improve your love life as you get older

The Best Is Yet to Come

Intimacy morphs as the years go by. But just because you and your partner aren’t your 20-something selves in the sack doesn’t mean your between-the-sheets behavior can’t be hotter than ever. Here’s your guide to how sex naturally evolves with time and ways to make the most of those shifts.  

In Your 30s

It becomes an end to a means—of procreation. Hear your biological clock ticking? Enjoyment can take a hit as encounters are timed to up the odds of hitting baby bingo, explains Carole Lieberman, MD, psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. Focus on having fun instead of meeting a goal. Remember: Some sessions go well, and some don't. Spend more time talking and less under pressure. 

It can suffer from crazy schedules. When you were in your 20s, sex was probably easy. Now, with careers ramping up, mortgages being signed and family and social obligations in full swing, a sex life that was on autopilot may need a pilot light. The best spark is an open and honest conversation. Make time to catch up with each other over coffee if that’s all the time you have. “Express your dreams and clear the air. From there, it's not such a long distance to the bedroom,” notes Tina B. Tessina, PhD, author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Arguing About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage

In Your 40s

Temptation to cheat may creep in. Many people start to feel insecure about their desirability in this decade, despite being married. The need to prove they’ve still got it, sometimes with younger partners, may arise. “Trying to keep up with someone with more energy than you only causes more sexual stress,” explains Nancy Irwin, PsyD. It’s always better to keep the passion alive in your marriage rather than destroying it with an affair. How to do that? “Focus on what still works and feels good,” says Dr. Irwin. “And talk about memorable sex you’ve had together. That’ll inspire you to recreate it.”

You can use experience to your advantage. By now, you know how sex, your own body and, if this is a longtime partner, his body and psyche work. Use your knowledge to enhance each rendezvous, suggests Dr. Tessina. Try playing his favorite album as a prelude to sex. Or use scents you know he likes in the bedroom. And ask him to do the same for you—he won’t judge because he’s been by your side this long.

Spontaneous sex is rarer. But there’s good news: Long-term couples develop signals—affectionate pats, looks and compliments—that go a long way toward getting each other in the mood, explains Dr. Tessina. Often we don’t recognize these because we’re too wrapped up in our thoughts. “You have to be looking at your partner to know he’s looking at you. Try it!” urges Dr. Tessina. And don’t hesitate to make a suggestion, such as “I like it when you touch me on the shoulder.”

In Your 50s

It’s not all about orgasm. As you get into your sixth decade, embrace the general pleasure of each other’s bodies. “Pay attention to how your skin feels when your partner touches you, the warmth of his body on yours,” suggests Dr. Tessina. All of the physical sensations and emotional comfort generates oxytocin, which leads to a hormonal high. If you focus on just climaxing, you’ll miss a lot.

You may need some extra help. This is the decade during which most women face menopause, bringing on vaginal dryness and a lack of elasticity. Tell your doctor; there may be a medication for those issues. Even vaginal lubricants can relax you during the deed because you won’t worry it’ll be uncomfortable for you or your partner. “I recommend a silicone-based product like Uberlube,” says Andee Harris, a certified life coach and founder of BedroomChemist.com.

But you can feel like your younger self again. You no longer have the exhausting schedule and unpredictable demands of little kids. So rediscover each other. Is bedtime still sweatpants time? Sometimes that’s a relic of not wanting to be stark naked when the little ones are around. Since it’s just you and your partner now, slide under those sheets wearing a pretty nightgown, fun underwear or nothing but a smile. “Don't let that voice that says that your parts are droopy or you’re heavy stop you,” says Ramani Durvasula, PhD, a clinical psychologist and psychology professor at California State University, Los Angeles. “Your partner still thinks you’re a knockout,” 

In Your 60s

Passion transforms into humor. In a relationship that’s lasted this long, it can become difficult to keep the fire burning “because we’re indoctrinated to believe that passion is the only thing that counts,” says Dr. Tessina. Instead, laugh about the aspects of making love that are downright hilarious. “A silly giggle session can be part of the best sex you ever had,” says Dr. Tessina. And that adds a new satisfying dimension to it.

You may be more sexually active than you’d expect. The majority of respondents to a University of Chicago study involving 60-somethings were still engaged in sexual activity—and happy with their lives. Going with the flow of aging allows you to move the emphasis from your insecurities to expressing your feelings for your partner, explains Dr. Irwin.

You may need a schedule. Even if you’ve always been the spontaneous type, you may have to get used to planning. Men this age may deal with erectile dysfunction. If Viagra or Levitra are in the picture, they need to be taken in advance. Translation: Foreplay needs forethought, says Dr. Tessina.